Beyond Business Podcast Ep 6

Written By Debbie Lee

Episode 6

Parenting and Business with Lori K Walters

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EPISODE SUMMARY

Join me and Lori K Waters, a Master Parenting Coach, as we explore the intricate dance of parenting and entrepreneurship. Lori brings a wealth of knowledge, especially in guiding parents of teens and young adults through the hurdles of adolescence. Our discussion highlights the striking similarities between nurturing a family and growing a business—both journeys filled with opportunities for self-discovery and personal growth. Listen in as Lori emphasises the need for evolution in parenting, the embrace of learning curves, and the power of cultivating peace at home to positively shape future generations.

We talk about accepting the imperfection in our approach to both parenting and business. And the process of creating an internal compass to guide us through both in a way that aligns with our values and cultivates a sense of self leadership.

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If you would like to find out more about Lori and her work you can do so in the following places:

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EPISODE TRANSCRIPTION

00:03 - Debbie (Host)

Welcome to Beyond Business, the podcast, the show for impact driven ecopreneurs who want to be part of a bigger change and make a difference that reaches beyond your business alone. This week, I'm chatting with Lori K Walters. Lori is a parenting coach for parents of teens and young adults, and she's also a fellow business owner, so we have an awesome conversation about the overlap of these two things and how they both require us to take a deeper look within ourselves. I hope you enjoy it. Good morning or good afternoon, laurie.

00:48 - Lori (Guest)

It's noon here right now. No, there we go, right in the middle.

00:54 - Debbie (Host)

It's so lovely to see you and I'm really excited for our conversation today. Really lovely to have you as a guest on the podcast. Thank you, thank you. Yeah, thank you so much in advance of your time. I wonder how you're arriving at the start of this new year.

01:17 - Lori (Guest)

Oh well, funnily enough, I'm someone who really poos the idea of resolutions and the new year kind of thing, but strangely enough, I'm feeling this kind of fresh January energy right now and it's surprising me. So I'm feeling quite uplifted and energetic and optimistic. I'm shrugging because I'm like, hmm, okay, it's still winter. It's still winter, yeah, yeah, but I've really been looking forward to this conversation too, so thank you for inviting me.

01:53 - Debbie (Host)

Yeah, that's good to hear and I really resonate with that this year too. I really I feel that the freshness of a new start sort of wipes the slate clean in a way, which is coming at the time of year when really we should be in hibernation and snuggled under a blanket somewhere, exactly.

02:17 - Lori (Guest)

Yeah, yeah, true.

02:19 - Debbie (Host)

So we have been on each other a little while now, but I wonder, to begin with, if you could introduce yourselves. Tell some of the listeners who you are and what you do.

02:33 - Lori (Guest)

Sure, so I'm a master parenting coach. I live on the west coast of Canada, by the Pacific Ocean, on the land of the Seatel Nation, and my work is with parents. Of course, I work with parents who are recognizing their evolution or their need for evolution, people who are feelings like they're stumbling up against something and they need some help to move through it. I work a lot with parents of teenagers and young adults, because I think that's such a danger-ridden area, if I can say it like that. It can be so tricky and raising kids at all different stages, as I know, you know, with someone under your roof as well, and it brings up stuff for us that we need to work through and clear so we can move forward. Yeah, it's incredibly rich and rewarding work. I work with people all over the world and I really feel honored to do so.

04:09 - Debbie (Host)

Amazing. I think, like, as you say, that I am in my late 30s now, but I still feel like I'm 18 in some ways. You know, I sometimes wonder, hmm, when did I grow up? But I remember like even when I was a teenager. I think those years they're so formative and yeah, like really getting to grips with what it means to be a young adult. I know I find it a challenge, never mind today when I don't know there seems to be so many more influences, both like internally and in the world around you. So I think it's really awesome. It's such an important stage of life to be supported through.

05:00 - Lori (Guest)

And I really feel like you know our young people. They are our leaders and parents of tomorrow, and the more that we can you know we raise them with peace in our hearts the more they can bring peace into the world and the future as well. That's really what motivates me the most is bringing peace into families.

05:28 - Debbie (Host)

I can see the smile in your face as you say that. I really feel the passion around it. One thing I was interested in exploring with you was I as a parent. My kids are young I've got two young kids but I would say I have been a lifelong learner. I've always been. I was always a very conscientious student. I really thrive in learning and I was really taken by surprise as to what a steep learning curve both becoming a mother was and also becoming a business owner was, because I think the thing that really took me by surprise was how much I had to learn about myself in both of those things. I sort of feel in both of those places it's like there's like someone's holding up a mirror for me and I'm like seeing parts of myself reflected, like in my kids and my business. And yeah, I was really I was interested to explore a bit more with you and, yeah, just get your thoughts on it.

06:50 - Lori (Guest)

To start with, yeah, I'm really connecting to that parallel that you're drawing between I mean, parenting, right, there's part of us that thinks we should know how to do it, and then we find ourselves wearing completely unknown territory and it's like whoa, and I think it's the same, you know, in starting a business too. Like there's part of us that thinks, oh well, this should be, this is not easy, but this is something people do, right, I should be able to do this. And then you get in it and you're like, oh wow, this brings up so much, so much stuff for me. So, yeah, I definitely see the parallels in those and, you know, both as a mother and as a entrepreneur in running my coaching business, I would say that those are incredibly rich grounds in my own. You know evolution, really, you can stay where you are, and many, many people do. We know that I'm more the kind of person and I like to work with people who are evolving and moving forward on their growth edges.

08:19

I think, yeah, you can choose to look in the mirror and sometimes, you know, we have to look at things that are difficult. Right, oh wow, do I really have to look like that? Or, you know, in motherhood, like, wow, I can't believe that just came out of my mouth. Oh geez, I sell just like my mom. Oh no, you know, and it's not always easy, I'm joking around, but those kind of really painful things to come face to face with. And I think you know, as an entrepreneur, I mean, wow, things that have come up for me have been around being visible in the world, trusting that I have a gift to share, that I can be of service to other people. So, little old me, we've got spinnig big, big growth area for me. I can do the nuts and bolts of running my business, but I've got all this mindshatter going on about it. That is ongoing work for me. Yeah for sure.

09:37 - Debbie (Host)

Yeah, and I think that what you said there right at the start about you know, for both of those things, you see, you think other people are doing it, so I must be able to do it too.

09:48

I really am really relate to that and I find that it's yeah, it's so easy to get, or well, I would say, at stages in both my motherhood journey and my business journey, I find it really easy to get sucked into a type of comparison. I just like I look at what other people are doing and assume that they've got it together, and I think that can be. Yeah, it can be particularly true in parenting these days, when I think it's great, like I think it's a really positive thing, that there's a lot more open discussion around different styles of parenting and a lot more awareness building around like styles of attachment and different approaches, you know, I would say different, like practical approaches to parenting and maybe what your family setup looks like and what your working arrangements look like, but also, I guess, the emotional approach as well, and I don't know how kids and I really like, I'm fully on board with that and at the same time, there can be this like overrun of decision making.

11:09

you know, it's almost like when I know all that, like how do I siphon through the information and find the approach that really feels right for me?

11:23 - Lori (Guest)

And you're so not alone. You know there's so much information and advice and suggestions about parenting and the way I look at it is coming right down to the individual relationship. You are a unique human and your child is a unique person as well, and so there is a unique relationship. I think these different you know systems and advice can inform that. But when you ask what is how do I know what is the right thing to do? I think that's about developing your own inner compass and your own measures that give you the internal yes as opposed to the external.

12:26

That's the kind of work that I'm doing, which is helping people find that internal peace, that internal yes. That's what yes feels like in me. When I talk to my kid this way or when I make this boundary, that feels like yes to me, because that's what matters in the end. It doesn't matter what your neighbor thinks or what some famous author thinks. What matters is how you experience a connection with your kid that's different with your other kid too. Right, how you got one apple and one orange will never know what that's all about. So each relationship being unique and having the ability internally to feel that, do you know what I mean?

13:23 - Debbie (Host)

Yeah, and it strikes me it's quite a brave thing to do as a parent, to trust yourself enough to go there, really and I think the thing that comes up for me is this curiosity around how we know what's an external yes, the thing that maybe is the thing we should be doing, or the way that we were parented, or the way our friends or family behaved with their kids. Why do we know what's that external yes versus what you described as that sort of inner compass yes?

14:05 - Lori (Guest)

Yeah, and so you know, those are capabilities that we can all develop and we have them to differing levels depending where we're at and what experiences we've had, what was modeled for us in our lives so far in terms of being able to connect in orderly. And you know, some people are very disconnected from their internal world. I'm not saying that's good or bad, I'm just saying that's, you know, where there's so many different kinds of people on the planet and so there's more. You know, sensing, learning to sense the body, is work for some people. Oh, that kind of flutter, agitation thing that happens, like near the top of my stomach, around my solar plexus, oh, that's actually trying to tell me something, you know. Or, oh, and bottom of my feet, go, oh, that's information for me about yeses and no's and where my feeling, my, my center.

15:22

You know, some people pursue physical practices and somatic practices, some people meditate, some people, and there's a whole gamut of ways that we develop that ability to feel inward. And it takes time, it's not a snap of the fingers and oh, yep, this is my yes, this is my no, and it's not like I don't know anybody who's got it down pat 100% of the time either. You know, like your kid comes home and says I'm getting a tattoo, well, you might have your full-on. You know, resourceful, regulated, self, ready for that, why not? You know, that's just, that's just real. So yeah.

16:13 - Debbie (Host)

I find in in our house.

16:17

It's the those times it's like when everybody is inevitably under resource. So, like typically in our house, it's like you know four, like four to five in the afternoon, when you know we're getting towards the end of the day, everybody, including myself, everybody is a little bit tired, everybody's a little bit hungry, everybody's a little bit strong and, yeah, it's difficult, like I remember. I really distinctly remember a blog post of yours that I read and you know it was, I guess, directed towards adults and young adults and teens, but I could really relate to it as a parent of young kids as well, and it was saying like it's okay that you mess up Everybody. We're all human beings and part of being a human being means that sometimes you will mess up and that's okay as well. So, yeah, I wonder, like, how do you support people through those times when you know we know that like we haven't handled something too in the way we might have liked to, and I think it's really like it feels like an important process to go through that sort of rupture and repair process.

17:37 - Lori (Guest)

You mean with your kids.

17:38 - Debbie (Host)

Yeah.

17:39 - Lori (Guest)

Bring your own guilt.

17:41 - Debbie (Host)

There's two parts of it right.

17:44 - Lori (Guest)

That's true and there's lots of advice out there about you know how to, how to repair with your kids, which is being honest and open and hearing how they were impacted and taking responsibility for messing up and conveying the message like humans mess up, so freeing for kids to hear that and know that and as they go, you know, into their teen years, oh, they're going to do stuff that makes them feel like they're really messing up. It should be, you know, mom's an okay person to go to and say wow, you won't believe how I just messed up right To be that approachable parent. And yeah, I mean the internal part. I messed up as if what we're trying to do is do it perfectly. There's no such thing as perfect parenting. Or maybe I should say the imperfection is the perfect.

18:51

We're all messing up our kids. We are all messing up our kids, no matter how great we are at how many skills. What we do has impact on them and it will come up for them when they turn 20. And they will throw it back in your face. No, but you know, I mean, this is the, this is the life cycle. So I mean freeing ourselves from saying you know I'm not doing it perfectly should sound like yeah, I'm not doing it perfectly, but I'm doing this relationship, this unique relationship between unique me and unique you. And I'm doing that and I'm learning as I go and I'm trying new things and I'm expanding and evolving.

19:48 - Debbie (Host)

Yeah, it really strikes me that I don't know like the word commitment comes up for me when I hear that like the commitment to that person and like being with them in whatever it is. Your both, your both experiencing.

20:08 - Lori (Guest)

And the commitment to you know, when it's rough, when the relationship is rough, when it's I'm not talking to you or yelling at you, or I feel you know there's a real gap here, or there's so much friction it's, you know, hard to breathe, like allowing yourself to feel that, and look into it and see, hmm, okay, there's all the things about your kid. And then there's the other part, which is me. How am I being in this? How am I part of the friction? What's coming up for me around that? What can I work on or learn about myself here in this? Because when your kids get older, it's not so easy to work together with them on something. They become more independent as teenagers and such, and so, as parents of teens and young adults discover, okay, this is more about me working on my part of it, Because that's what you can do.

21:22 - Debbie (Host)

Well, I guess that's the bit that. Like that's the bit that I don't like to use the word control, but like that's the word that you at least have some influence over, like yourself, that you can influence yourself a lot more than you can influence, like the things that are happening around you.

21:41 - Lori (Guest)

Yeah, yeah, exactly. And you know I'm right now connecting to what you said earlier about you know the shoulds and the beliefs and the expectations that are placed on us by others or by ourselves quite often. You know being willing to look at those and detangle them a little bit. And so you know what this whole idea, as we were talking earlier about, oh, if I'm running a business, I'm somehow not being as good of a parent as I should be, I'm taking time away from what I would be giving to my kids, or I heard this said somewhere, or that's what my mother-in-law thinks. You know, like, oh, you're going to do a business that somehow makes you less of a good parent, you know, and to take something like that and really, you know, sit with it and look at it and think about it and where's this story coming from?

22:59

Where's this sense of expectation coming from? How do I feel it in my body? Is this like a lump in my heart? Is this something that kind of clenches my belly, like where is this in me? How does the dialogue run? You shouldn't you better? Not, you're terrible. Or is it more like, oh, poor you, you're not such a good parent. You know, whatever the tone of it is, pardon me, and you know, start making some of those connections for yourself. Internally, is this do I need to carry this? What happens if I, oh, breathe into that place where it clenches? What else do I know about what this means to be both a parent and an entrepreneur? Right, how else can I sit with it or view it or experience it and cultivate, like new perceptions, new ways of being with it?

24:09 - Debbie (Host)

Yeah, it really strikes me as bringing some compassion into it and like being with yourself in it, yeah, and it's actually like really similar.

24:26

I would use that quite often in my own, like in my business coaching as well, because I find that that, yeah, those expectations can be there as well, like I have, like I don't know, a strategy I see working for other people is that they go live on Instagram every day or whatever.

24:50

I'm using a generic example, but you know, so I'm going to do that too. And yet, you know, when I like force, or when I I don't know override what's going on in my body and or, you know, I feel the fear and do it anyway, that I'm like that sort of mantra, but then it just feels awful and it's not something that feels right to me and it's not something that I want to stick at, and so inevitably it's not something that's going to work for me, but like finding a way to like notice all of that and then maybe bring in, you know, an alternative that's a little bit softer or can, like you know, maybe add a step that gets you a little bit on the way and helps you take a more exploratory approach to like finding your own path.

25:46 - Lori (Guest)

Yeah, yeah, absolutely. And you know, letting yourself just hear that voice I should be doing lives. Like, say it out loud and listen to it. You should be doing lives. Who's saying I should be doing lives? And then like underneath it, why, like, what do I want to accomplish, or what do I want to ensure, or what am I trying to avoid? Like, oh, okay, and then take it another layer down.

26:21

Maybe you're gonna find that under there is you know, oh, you know, because, because I really want my work to be seen by people, or I, I want people to see my face and see that I'm sincere about the work I'm doing, or you know whatever's underneath there.

26:44

If you identify something like that, I want people to see my face and see that I'm sincere about my, what I'm putting out into the world. Then you can move in different ways with it. Right, okay, if life isn't it brainstorm, what are the other ways I can demonstrate and let people connect to my my sincerity, what I'm really feeling in my heart about why I'm doing this, mind-developing, this business? Right, it gives you. If you can go down under and see what's there, then you can move out and about with it and then find that thing where you go. Oh, that feels right. Oh yeah, I can feel that right in my guts like for sure, right, and it's accomplishing the same thing, but in your way, yeah and it's a really valuable skill to have, right like building that trust in yourself that you can find and navigate your own way.

27:56 - Debbie (Host)

Yeah, just what you said about really building that internal compass to like lead, lead the way. But rather than yeah, I guess that when we set these like external expectations, there's maybe a certain reliance on always looking to those things to like show us the way yeah, and and feeling led.

28:24 - Lori (Guest)

Oh, I'm following something as opposed to, you know, self-leadership, right, which is, yeah, intuition, which is, you know, create your own creativity of how you, uniquely, are putting your work out into the world and message into the world. Yeah, yeah, yeah that word.

28:56 - Debbie (Host)

That's right, that word leader, like it's something that I find like people often shy away from. I think that leadership has become in many places, but it's become seen, as I don't know that, like the top of the hierarchy of some sort. And yet I really get on board with that concept of self-leadership. It's like how we want to be able to lead ourselves really and you know, as kids and parenting, you know, I guess what better way to do home that?

29:33

yeah, so I wonder and if anyone is listening and they would like to find out more about you and find out more about your work, where is the best place to find you?

29:53 - Lori (Guest)

well, I'm on Facebook called peace in my parenting. I'm on Instagram, laurie K Walters coach. My website is lori k Walters dot ca for Canada. Yep, you can find me those places. I write a weekly newsletter to parents, but a lot of people really appreciate receiving and so people are welcome to sign up for that and check out what I'm what.

30:27 - Debbie (Host)

I'm offering yeah, amazing, thank you. And I find I I'm a keen reader of that, even as a parent, as a parent of young kids. I think there's really valuable for me. There's been, I don't know. It's sort of like solidarity in there that I find, like knowing that I'm not alone in these challenges. So, yeah, thank you yeah, I'll put the links to that in the show notes as well. Super, thank you. Thank you, laurie. It's been such a pleasure to chat with you.

31:00 - Lori (Guest)

I'm really, really enjoyed it thanks so much and, yeah, I'm really excited about what you're putting out into the world and how you're offering your support to to people getting their businesses going that have, yeah, something big in their heart that they want to bring into it. Yeah, I'm really excited to see your, your business, growing thank you, laurie.

31:27 - Debbie (Host)

Thank you, thank you so much for listening to this episode of beyond business. If you've loved what you've heard, I would be incredibly grateful if you could rate and review the podcast so that together we can create a global ecosystem of change makers, pioneering business as a force for good. Until then, I look forward to speaking to you in the next episode.

Debbie Lee
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